Idiot Faked Own Kidnapping, Hog-Tied Himself To Get Out Of Dog House With Girlfriend

Posted on March 13, 2013

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New York (The Gaslamp Post) – A guy who needed a quick excuse for his girlfriend as to why he went missing for two weeks came up with a real winner.  According to the New York Post, Rahmell Pattway, 36, of Brooklyn faked his own kidnapping and tried to get the cops to buy it.

Pattway, whose whereabouts during that time are unknown, spent two weeks away from home and figured if he could be found by police, beaten and tied up, that his girlfriend wouldn’t be upset.  When a passerby found him on the sidewalk on Malcolm X blvd. late last month, appearing beaten and reportedly hog-tied with duct tape, he thought he was home free.

duct tape feat 001

When he was found, Pattway reportedly told police that two men had beaten him, thrown him in a light blue minivan, and drove off with him with his head covered.  By the time he was found at the staged scene where he said he was dumped off, he looked the part.

The story fell apart when the officers later asked him why the roll of duct tape was still hanging from his wrists.  He then admitted to fabricating the elaborate story.

“He’s a total moron,” said one law-enforcement source. “It was a pathetic attempt to pull the wool [over] her eyes.”

Pattway was arrested and charged with filing a false police report.

Posted in: Darwin Award, Losers